Only For You Page 28

  I arrived at The Stop, my second home, to find the bar vacant; it was eerie. Griffin caught my eye and an unknown object sailed toward me. Much to my satisfaction, I caught the projectile before it struck me. I unclenched my hand to find a silver whistle on a rope—the kind gym teachers wear—shining in my palm.

  “Where is everyone?” I prodded. “And what the heck is with the whistle missile?”

  “The bar is closed for a private party tonight,” he winked, “and you’re the one who said you needed a whistle.”

  I had said no such thing; I would recall such an outlandish request, wouldn’t I? Griffin came around the bar and headed for the stage, which I noticed was illuminated by the spotlight. He climbed the stairs, picked up his guitar, and stood in front of the microphone. What the hell, were we having a concert?

  Griff began to strum a familiar chord progression as I focused on the sound identifying the tune—“Open Arms” by Journey. It was a strange choice for our celebration.

  As Griffin picked an extended intro, I feared that he was using the moment to communicate his romantic intentions to me—damn, that would be tragic. I shook off the thought quickly.

  I stood frozen until a hand grasped mine, causing me to turn. There he was…

  “Hunter,” I breathed like a prayer.

  “Angel,” he said smiling, “will you dance with me?”

  I was too flabbergasted to process his question or offer a response. Sensing my quandary, Hunter took the lead. Placing his hand on my lower back, he guided me closer to him until our bodies met.

  “Listen,” Hunter commanded gently as he cradled me to his chest.

  Griffin began to sing the lyrics to a song I had known all my life, but heard for the first time. I absorbed every syllable, every word, registering the meaning, and understanding this was Hunter’s opening dialogue. I shut out every doubt and question for the time being, content to savor the feeling of his arms around me.

  When the song ended Griffin slipped off the stage and out the back door.

  “It’s time we talk, angel. There’s been too much left unsaid.”

  “Are you wearing a wire? Should I call my attorney?” Evidently, my joy at finally seeing him again had abated, leaving me insolent.

  He sighed. “No I’m not wearing a wire, would you like to conduct a strip search?” he offered mischievously.

  His impish reply was usually an aphrodisiac but was not winning him any points tonight.

  “Cut the cutesy routine. You lied to me and used me. Other than an apology, I can’t fathom what more there is to say.” If he wanted to make amends, he was going to have to work for it.

  “Cutesy? I have never been called that before,” he mused, before turning serious. “I have never lied to you, Everleigh. There were times it was damn near impossible, but I promised myself I’d never lie to you, and I haven’t. I have withheld a pertinent detail about my job, hurt you through my inaction, and failed to protect you when you needed me, but I never lied to you.”

  “A lie by omission is still a lie!” I corrected his supposition.

  “Then we disagree. I withheld the nature of my job by necessity, but it wasn’t really pertinent.”

  “Not pertinent, are you out of your mind? There was nothing more relevant. You were using me to assimilate at Hensley for your undercover operation. You forged a sham friendship with me to ingratiate into the student body. That may make you a resourceful agent, but it makes you a shit friend and a shittier lover. Speaking of which—did you screw me to further the operation or was it a fringe benefit? Get your rocks off with the gullible undergrad?”

  Hunter took a step back as if I had struck him.

  “Is that what you believe—that I used you to gain access to Hensley—that I made love to you to garner intel? What kind of man do you think I am?”

  “The type of man who pretended to be someone he wasn’t, who fucked me and then left. I guess that makes you no different from every other manwhore barfly, except they don’t pretend to care about their prey. Evidently they have more integrity.”

  “First, if I needed to befriend and seduce a woman to acclimate at Hensley I would be a pitiful agent. I had already gained exposure through the self-defense seminar and undergrad classes. Second, I didn’t fuck and leave you. I made love to you, and you gave me an ultimatum. When I could not provide everything you wanted from me, you kicked me out of your life. Third, I have not pretended to be anything other than myself. I was not undercover—if I were, I would have assumed a false identity—it was a plain-clothes operation. I was always me, I just didn’t specify my profession or how it related to my presence at Hensley. Fourth, I have not ever lied to you. Don’t challenge my integrity.”

  He made several valid points. Was I really upset that he suppressed his ties to the FBI or was I resentful of his chronic rejection? It was the latter. I understood his need to conceal his purpose at Hensley. What had me incensed was his inability to recognize what we had was precious, rare, and scarce, and he cast it off like junk mail.

  “You’re right; for the most part you were only doing your job, an honorable job, trying to protect the women of Hensley and solve a case. The criminals are behind bars and the operation was a success. I commend you, mission accomplished. The rest is just details—the end justified the means. If you came for my forgiveness, you have it; I wish you nothing but the best in life. Take care of yourself, Hunter.” I smiled so he would see my sincerity.

  I was proud of myself. I let him go with dignity and a smile this time. I finally put his needs ahead of my wants. He needed absolution to find closure and I had given it to him. My final act of love for the man I could never have. Hunter and I appeared to have divergent perspectives on my noble sacrifice.

  “Are you freakin’ kidding me? You’re dismissing me with trite well wishes? We are not done discussing this, Everleigh. We haven’t even begun to reach an understanding.”

  I stared at him confused.

  “I officially closed my portion of the case—debriefing done, reports filed, actions accounted for. I can finally say what has been gnawing at me for months. At last, I can have an uncensored conversation with you, and you want to pat me on the head saying ‘Good boy Fido, now go pee in someone else’s yard’? I don’t think so. You’re going to listen to me, and for once you’re going to hear what I say and not read between lines that aren’t there.”

  “What else is there to say, Hunter? You explained your reasons for omitting your law enforcement status, and I granted my forgiveness. There is no reason to beat a dead horse.” He may be feeling chatty, but I needed to leave while I was still able to let him go.

  “Everything! There is everything left to say. You could try the patience of a saint, do you know that? You are going to sit down and be silent while I say what I need to say without interruptions. You get me?”

  “Hunter, let’s walk away now. Our issues are resolved. We can look back one day and smile with fondness when reminiscing about the time we shared.”

  “That’s it,” he muttered, and suddenly I was over his shoulder…again. He really had a thing with manhandling me. He dropped me unceremoniously on the edge of the stage.

  “You will sit there and you will remain silent. You will listen—and hear. You will not move a single muscle until I’m finished. Do you understand me?” I was about to speak when he held up his hand to stop me, “It was a rhetorical question. Don’t speak, don’t move.”

  Hello, Alpha-Hunter. I was beginning to fear I had pushed the man passed the edge of reason. Watching him pace before me, I decided to follow his directive to sit still and silent, awaiting his monologue.

  “I’m going to tell you a story. It will be a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’—did you ever read one of those books as a kid? They were my favorite—you have control over the story and will choose how it ends.”

  I nodded my acceptance. He tossed me a warning look; apparently, he was serious about me not moving a muscle.

&nbs
p; “There was once a man who thought he was happy. He volunteered to investigate a string of heinous crimes because he wanted to protect people and hopefully save lives. He also volunteered to teach women how to protect themselves because he knew he couldn’t personally protect them all. He met a woman—a sarcastic, stubborn, stunning woman—and he was intrigued, captivated by her. She didn’t like him at first, but then she made it her mission to make him her friend. He laughed at her determination because he was already taken with her. They became friends, best friends, but their relationship grew complicated.”

  They became something more than friends, something undefined, which confused the girl and would occasionally cause her to do something crazy. He wanted to explain his feelings, but he couldn’t. He had to keep his job a secret to make sure the bad guys didn’t get away with their crimes when he caught them. He tried to be just her friend, but it was hard, monumentally hard. He wanted to hold her, touch her…he wanted more. But, he wasn’t able to give her more until his job was completed. One night she was sad, hurting. He intended to comfort her and take care of her, but he wanted her so badly he lost control. He made love to her. It was a life-changing, revelatory experience, but he knew he made a mistake because the timing was wrong. He had opened a door that he could not yet walk through, and he couldn’t close the door afterwards because they had splintered the frame.”

  She asked him to give her everything. He wanted to do just that, but he couldn’t until his mission was complete. He asked her to wait but couldn’t offer an explanation as to why. With no explanation, she assumed he was rejecting her and promptly kicked him out of her life; he was devastated. He rushed to catch the bad guys and ensure they wouldn’t get away with their crimes. He wanted to return to the girl, but he had hurt her so deeply he didn’t know if she would forgive him or give him another chance. He conspired with a mutual friend to re-win her heart. When his co-conspirator told him it was time, he went to the girl—his girl. She was still angry and tried to send him away, but this time he refused to leave. He told her a story about a man very much like himself and a woman very much like her, and then he waited to learn how the story would end.”

  I stared, mouth agape, absorbing all he had just said. He concisely recapped our entire relationship. I had been wrong. I was so stupid, impatient, stubborn, presumptuous, and—in love with him. I was prepared to jump off the stage and tackle him, but he had ordered me to stay put and be silent. I decided to obey for a change.

  “Do you remember my tattoo? I had it inked at the end of March.”

  I was confused by his non sequitur, but nodded. As if I could forget the brand on his left pectoral. Why we had descended into the history of his body art, I didn’t know.

  “Do you remember what it means?”

  I nodded. He looked at me expectantly, granting me permission to speak.

  “Forever. You said it was the Japanese word forever, eternal.”

  “Exactly. Forever.”

  He looked at me expectantly again. But I shrugged, still not comprehending his point.

  He put his hand over his heart and repeated himself, separating the words, “For—Ever.”

  Shut your—what? Did he just say what I think he said?

  “I already knew, for me there is only you. No matter what happened between us in the future, it would only ever be you. I was made for you—only for you.”

  Yes, he was in fact saying what I thought he said. I was dumbfounded, rendered mute.

  “I have been in love with you for months, Everleigh. I wanted to tell you every day, but it would have been selfish to verbalize my love when I wasn’t at liberty to give you anything else at the time. I hoped to be able to keep us in the friend-zone until I closed the case, at which time I could give you everything if you still wanted me. Then you started dating that shmuck from Krav. I was terrified I would lose you, but my hands were tied. Like an idiot, I fucked things up royally by sleeping with you.”

  That was not complimentary, and he must have read my thought because he hurried to continue.

  “Don’t misunderstand—there was nothing I wanted more than to have you wrapped around me, watching you come apart in my arms. It was spectacular, and I would have given anything to have spent the last month repeating the experience over and over again. I could never get enough of you. I wanted to taste you and try you on, in all the ways I had fantasized, but the timing was all wrong. I still couldn’t be with you, give you what we both needed. I desperately wanted to say I love you that night.”

  Now, I was hot and bothered which was not conducive to deep meaningful confessions.

  “It was torture, watching your heart break, being thrown out on my ass because I couldn’t give you the one thing in the world I wanted above all else. If it had just been about the job, I would have said ‘screw it’ and quit, rather than risk losing you. But it wasn’t just the job. We were so close to stopping him and if I had told you everything, jeopardized a conviction, I would never have been able to live with myself. There were too many women who deserved justice, Sam especially.”

  He finally approached me, placing his hands on either side of my hips, leaning in close.

  “Catching Heath was the only cause worthy enough to keep me from you. I thought I was happy before you, but you lit up my world. You challenged me, made me laugh, and aroused me beyond reason. Everything before you and without you was dim and monotonous. I may be able to live without you, but I don’t want to, it would be bland and uninspiring. Existing, not thriving.”

  “Everleigh Rose Carsen, I’m irrevocably in love with you, I have been for quite some time and I will always be. You’re what I want exclusively. It’s an irreversible condition. Please, angel, give me a chance to finally give you the everything you asked for. Let me love you.”

  Screw his rules! I grabbed Hunter’s head and pulled it down to mine. I whispered against his lips, “I love you” before kissing him with all the fullness of emotion I had previously restrained.

  His hands left the stage, one cradling the back of my head with care, the other cupping my face. Languorously his lips and tongue mingled with mine. He took control of the kiss, demanded it, building a wealth of passion and fervor. Forced to break our connection when I began to feel faint, his lips traveled down the column of my neck, nipping and sucking gently as he went.

  I enfolded Hunter with my arms and legs, needing him closer.

  He stepped back, taking me with him as he walked to the game room. Hunter looked around to consider all options. Making a decision, he sat me gently on the edge of a pool table and placed a reverent kiss on my forehead.

  He shrugged, “I’ll buy Griffin a new table if he complains.”

  When considering making love to the man of my dreams, a pool table had not figured in, but it was perfect for us in this moment. I wondered if I should feel guilty at the prospect of desecrating the table. The thought was pushed aside as Hunter’s lips grazed the shell of my ear.

  “I need you now, knowing you’re really mine, not having to censor my words or shutter my emotions. I need you to see and feel how deeply I love you. Can I have you, angel? Can I take all of you and keep it?”

  “Please,” I begged.

  He undressed me slowly with great care, kissing every inch as he exposed it, as if memorizing my topography with his lips. He whispered words of love and praise, listing the ways I had stolen his heart with each kiss. When he was finished, I returned the favor, following his lead and sharing every facet of my abiding love for him. When we were finally exposed to one another, bared body and soul, he climbed up beside me and wrapped me soundly in his arms, kissing me until my only thoughts were of him. With an inarticulate utterance, he entered me, and we both gasped as we melded into one being. We had an intrinsic understanding of one another, two halves creating a whole that moved and breathed as one.

  Ensuring he had my eyes, he stroked my cheek. “I love you, with everything I am. My heart beats for you…only for you.”


  He moved with deliberate slowness, finding the spot that caused my eyes to roll back in my head, showing me with his body the truth of his words, making me melt. Under his expert care, I soared through time and space, there was not gravity holding me to earth, no laws of physics to restrain me. Every second felt like an hour as if time had lost all meaning. Hunter followed me with words of love pouring from his mouth as he stared into my eyes shaking with exertion and release.

  I was encased in Hunter’s arms, my head resting on his chest as I regained my breath and my wits. Oh my, how I loved this man.

  “I think I’m bleeding,” he shared unexpectedly.

  “Did I scratch you?”

  “No—well, yes you did, but that was welcome. I hit my head a few times on the drop light above the pool table.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “With you, it’s a full contact sport. I may need headgear next time.” He teased while placing strategic kisses along my nape and shoulder.

  I laughed, “Why didn’t you move? It would have put a damper on my fun if you had been knocked unconscious.”

  “I didn’t register what had happened until just now. I was too distracted by the beautiful woman putting on a spectacular show beneath me.”

  “You performance garnered some pretty rave reviews, too.”

  “I heard the critics were fairly difficult to win over, I’m glad I appeased them.”

  I swatted at his arm playfully.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “I have loved you so long—never believing we could be together—I’m afraid I will wake up alone again in my bedroom.”

  “This is not a dream, angel—this is beyond my most fantastic dreams. I have my best friend back, my lover in my arms, and my heart where it always wanted to be.”

  He kissed me again with a new reverence. I gave my soul to his kiss with every touch. We lay together for a long time, cuddling and enjoy the freedom to be with one another fully.

  Sometime later, I heard the back door open and shot upright, yelling “choo-choo” at the top of my lungs. Hunter looked at me as if I was the mad hatter.